Some Christians find it hard to address the issue of sexuality either for themselves and their spouses or to their children. But in order to have a healthy view of sexuality, Christians must learn to communicate on this important subject. The first thing that Christian families should know is that God created us sexual beings. Man did not create sex, God did. He designed us with a sex drive for the enjoyment and continuation of the human species. It is when man distorts our sexuality that it becomes a “dirty” thing. Sex is a good thing when it is a part of a healthy marriage enveloped in love and acceptance. Sex ideally should wait until marriage, as this is the way God intended it, but sometimes in our human nature we fail to keep God's original plan. It is the hope of most Christians that their children will save their most intimate moments for the one that will love and cherish them the rest of their lives.
Though some of us have failed and we have suffered the consequences of an ungodly sex life, God is a forgiving God, and will help us overcome the most difficult of circumstances if we repent and pray for future guidance in our sex lives. This is not to say that Christians who have had sex before marriage cannot experience moments of true intimacy, but that many times they may be hampered in their intimacy because of their previous sexual history. When young Christians do find themselves confronted with their own sexuality, it is a wonderful and exciting discovery. But they will inevitably experience some things on their own before they meet that someone special. It is quite normal for adolescents and young adults to have sexual dreams during sleep and sexual fantasies in waking hours that will sometimes surprise and confuse them. Boys will recognize their sexuality more physically, while girls will notice this more emotionally. They tend to build sexual expectations of marriage on these early fantasies and experiences.
Masturbation may take place on some scale, but caution must be taken that this behavior is very addictive in nature and can affect the sex life later in marriage. This done on occasion is nothing to worry about or to be ashamed of, but when it becomes obsessive in nature, it can be damaging to a marital relationship. If the intimacy is interrupted, and if either partner feels neglected, the relationship will likely be hindered. But there are times when this can be necessary and intimate, depending on the circumstances. When one or the other partner is physically unable to perform, mutual masturbation can be beneficial to the intimacy of a relationship. But masturbation should never take the place of genuine sexual intercourse, if it is not absolutely necessary to do so. Some circumstances requiring this may be pregnancy, injuries, or pain. The guideline is to ask yourself, are you doing it mostly together, or in secret? When it becomes secretive and compulsive, it becomes damaging to a loving relationship. If it involves the use of pornography it can be devastating to the marital relationship.
Pornography is a corruption of human sexuality. It makes sexual objects of the people it portrays and the partners who are addicted to the use of it. There are very good books and manuals for exploring healthy sexuality without having to resort to the distortions of pornography. One of the predominant views that pornography promotes is the idea of bondage. No loving relationship seeks to dominate or restrain, but rather seeks a mutual consideration and tenderness as its goal. Men are particularly susceptible to the temptations of pornography because they are very visual in their needs. That is, men are turned on by what they see. Generally, women, on the other hand, are turned on more by what they feel than what they see. Their emotions can either turn them on or turn them off depending on their mood.
Another problem that pornography can bring into a marital relationship is that wives can be greatly intimidated by the seemingly perfect bodies represented in the various forms of pornography. When they see the reality that they have very visible flaws that can never compete with the perfection of pornography's nude manikins, wives may become quite distressed. They tend to be especially vulnerable after having children, when they realize their body will never quite be the same as before pregnancy. Men can powerfully persuade a vulnerable new mother into do things she may be uncomfortable with, when she is least capable of defining and defending her sexual boundaries. It is firmly believed by most of the Christian community that no one should be forced or coerced into doing anything they are uncomfortable with and that sex should in no way be painful or humiliating to either partner. This clearly destroys intimacy and trust.
