Recently, life has been extremely difficult with work, friends, finances, family and health. My faith has kept me and my family standing firm against all of these situations. There were times I found myself angry and hurt and sometimes even wanted to retaliate against people who were trying to do me harm.
Yes, I would tell myself “It would feel great if this happened to that person” or “If I could put some exlax in their coffee to make them sick”. Then it would hit me; that horrible gut feeling that literally made me sick to my stomach. In fact it made me feel disgusted withy myself and I would say “For the Love of Christ”. Yes that was exactly what it was the love of Christ was in my heart and the Holy Spirit was warning me that a person with that kind of love could not feel or say things like that.
Another day would pass, and yet more horrible things would happen and now I'm beginning to get tired and weary and begin thinking “Maybe I can just call in sick. Maybe I can say I had an emergency”. Just so I could take a day off and rest my brain and again that yuck feeling came to me. “For the Love of Christ” I would I say. Yes again, it was for the Love of Christ that I couldn't do what I was thinking of doing. I could not lie.
Was it me? The Holy Spirit was giving me the warnings and yet somehow I just felt God wasn't paying attention to what was going on in my life. So many bad things have happened to my family and I. Shaking my head, I tried to shake the thought from my mind. If God wasn't watching over me then the Holy Spirit would not be giving me warnings. Exodus 14:14 says “The Lord will fight for you; you have only to be still.”
A person who I trusted, betrayed me, and maliciously and intentionally put me in a dangerous position. Someone who I trusted to be a good Christian has turned out to be the devil in disguise. Psalms 35:20 states “The ungodly make false accusations against those living quietly”. My heart broke and I was hurt not only because this person betrayed me but because here was another person lost to the devil. Hurt and angry about the situation, I discussed it with my husband and then prayed and prayed. My good Christian sister at church informed me, when you can't think of a solution go to the Bible, you'll find the answer there.
For days, I read the Bible searching for the answer on how to deal with the situation. Trust me when I tell that my anger got the best of me and I could visualize me strangling the person or hurting them in some way but then the Holy Spirit sent me that warning. This time it wasn't in my gut that I was feeling the warning. It was in my heart. “For the Love of Christ” I said yet again. There before my eyes was my answer. The Love of Christ is what I needed and had all along.
Hatred and anger are not of Christ. These feelings were of the devil. My behavior was all wrong. The answer was with me the whole time. Love is all I needed. The anger and hatred was stopping the blessings and help that I required from Jesus. Instead of trying to find a way to retaliate, I decided the best thing to do was to pray for the people who were trying to hurt me. Must admit, there were times, I wanted to pray for their demise but I continued to remember the last warning from the Holy Spirit and how it affected my heart. So instead, I prayed for their salvation and I prayed for my protection.
With tears in my eyes, I humbled myself to the Lord and repented for even thinking bad things or thinking He wasn't there for me. Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” I needed to fully trust in God.
Things in my life have not changed much. In fact, it probably has gotten worse but since my heart is straight and my trust is with God, I no longer feel weary, hurt or angry. The peace that I feel is remarkable. “For the Love of Christ” is what has been getting me through these hardships.
