God will be coming home soon. His extended vacation of two weeks was awesome and he is well rested. Now, when God takes a vacation, it is not like you think it is. God’s time frame is very different then ours is. A two week vacation for God is like a hundred years for us.
God has been briefed and he is not a happy camper what so ever. He will be dealing with some of the issues before his sons birthday this year our time because he wants things back in order before then. This is the list of issues he will be dealing with in no special order, just to keep the culprits guessing.
First on his list would be abortion. There are people for and people against. He created free choice and expression so he doesn’t mind how we deal with it. The thing that makes the big guy angry is lameness, all the lame excuses that confuse him. If one thing God hates is stupidity. People that think a fetus is not a baby until it comes out of the birth canal but lets an aborted baby die after it comes out of the birth canal saying it is still a fetus, is nothing but stupidity. God say’s, “The moment a child is conceived it is a child, and let no mortal say differently.” People that have opinions on how or why we should kill babies are people that think they know better then those that don’t. The humans that think they are protecting babies by killing people that perform abortions, well, lets just say, shame on you too. I am just giving you peeps a heads up, God will deal with you and don’t worry, it will be in a mysterious way.
Next we have war. God created disease and famine to insure we never over populate the world. You as humans seem to think that killing is another way to go. Ok, whatever, but if you may recall, um, let me think, there is a little phrase and I think it goes something like this, “THOU SHALL NOT KILL.” God doesn’t allow amendments to his words. God never said, “Thou shall not kill unless you think it is in your better interests, or because someone pissed you off. God never left the world in the hands of man, I think he has the whole world in his hands, remember?
This next one is a little complicated so pay attention. Politicians, lawyers, and Bullies need to remember that the little guy, the poor, the weak, or as he put it, “THE MEEK SHALL INHEARET THE EARTH.” This is not a trick answer, the meek are in his will, and trust me, up here, we need no lawyers, it surely is Gods will. The lawyers lie, the Politicians are coveting thy neighbor’s wives, and the bullies, are just, well they are just mean. These are people that are interchangeable. Politicians will tend to lie, and lawyers well we know about lawyers and the bullies are nothing more then idiots trapped in a idiots body. I am not allowed to tell you other then you all will be dealt with but let me just say, if I were you, I would be wearing something light because you will not be getting a key card to the pearly gates in this lifetime, maybe the next but not this one.
Last but not least, terrorists. God laughed when he heard that you guys think there is a whole lot of money and virgins waiting for you in his heaven. I am not supposed to tell you but he said, “Virgins stay virgins once they live in my kingdom and as for cash? The only thing you get is the continental breakfast and that I offer free. Cash is a human effort and who the heck do you think came up with; you can’t take it with you? That was me.”
Ok these are the rules. If you are mentioned in the above paragraphs first you will have to wait on a very long line to see God only because he knows how much you hate waiting on lines, hey he has a drivers license. Once it is your turn take two steps up to Gods chair, he will say a few words because he does believe that his actions will show you better. Then you will have a moment to plead your case. If you are creative enough or truly a changed person, like that would ever happen, he might say something like, “No heaven for you.” He will tell you to click your heels three times and say, “There is no place like home,” but that is just one of his jokes, it means nothing. Next a huge hand basket, huge enough to hold several humans will go down a big slide to hell.
People have the misunderstanding that they have a second chance with the big guy, this is a myth. If you didn’t follow his rule while you are on his Earth, you are out. For those of you that do not believe in God, well, he doesn’t blame you. He told me that you probably don’t believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny, or yourself. Oh yeah, one last thing, The bible, he told me that many of you say that it was written by man not God, but you need to remember, The Bible was indeed written by men, men that god created, men that were asked to write his memoir. He also wants you to remember that it has been on the best sellers list since the beginning. Expect a visit on or about mid December.
