Life happens, and sometimes it royally stinks.
Have you dealt with the death of someone very close to you?
Well I have, and this is my story; a story of one who went from serving God to hating Him and then back to serving Him.
It was the year 1999; I just had become an associate pastor. I felt that I had answered God's calling and was well on my way to serving Him in a way I had not dreamed of.
There had always been an inward draw to the ministry all my life. But the church that I had grown up in would not even consider you unless you went to their college. I knew that was out of the question because it was very expensive and it seemed to be a world away. So I had the desire but that is all it would ever be, so I thought.
In the mid-nineties the Lord rocked my world and led me to a new church; one that in a million years I would have told you that it would be virtually impossible for me to be apart of. This particular denomination and others liked it was put down to us growing up and then I found myself in the middle of it.
It would become a place where I would learn to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit guiding me. My relationship with my God took on a whole new meaning. My prayer life changed drastically. I became involved with a prayer ministry, praying with people when they called the church after our telecast. The power of prayer and praying the word of God brought me into a new life that I never dreamed possible.
The opportunity for me to take on a Sunday morning service at an assisted living center came about and I accepted. The first Sunday I got up to preach my first message I will never forget. While I was sharing the word of God, He filled me to overflowing with the sense and knowledge of why I had been born. This day would become the day that I as a human being would be totally fulfilled in life. In a few months I accepted the call to enter an internship program and would become credentialed within the denomination.
After the internship my wife and I took on the position of an associate pastor in a small church in southeast Tennessee. Things were going well and I was on top of the world.
On November 22nd of 1999 my mother was not feeling well and was swollen in the abdomen. She went to the hospital, they immediately admitted her and diagnosed an inflamed an appendix. She went right into surgery. Not to long in surgery the doctor came out and told us that it was not her appendix but a tumor on the colon behind the appendix.
The emotions that flooded my being were overwhelming. It was in the middle of the night and I contacted my best buddy and he was there for me. He stayed and prayed with me for hours.
My best friend over the past few years had shared with me what he had went through when his mother and father were murdered. The grace that God had shown him was no being transferred to me as he held me and I began to cry out that I was not ready for my mom to die.
The last year of my mother's life I served God as an associate pastor in a small Pentecostal church in southeast Tennessee. During that year I tried my best to increase my faith. I prayed like I never had before. I confessed every scripture I could find on healing. I also prayed for my mothers healing so that other family members that were away from the Lord would see His miraculous power and come back to God.
November 1st 2000 my mother received her healing and went to be with the Lord. In my eyes God had let me down. It was not the healing I had prayed and begged for. My wayward family saw no miracles but the pain of death.
After the funeral I still served God but I had no more faith in His word. I hated Him for what He did to me. I held His book up at Him and called Him a liar. People would ask me to pray for them, I went through the motions but had no faith in God to heal. I went into the state of mind that I would tell my wife and friends that if you wanted to die let me pray for you.
I was done with God but he was not done with me.
