Have You Ever Hated God? Pt.2

In the events after my mother's death I began to withdraw from God spiritually. I still worked at the church. Most everyone did not know what I was going through. I put best face on and continued but I was a wreck on the inside. Only my wife and my best friend had a clue of what I felt toward God.

One day I had an appointment with God. I had not scheduled the appointment, He did.

At the time I was working for Lowes a home improvement store. I worked from 5am to 2pm; this allowed for me to have the afternoons free. My best friend worked security at the local state college. He had called me and asked me to meet with him and another friend in whom I worked with and had gone to church with as well. They both told me that I had to come to the college because they needed to pray for me.

In my conversation with them I told them I was fine and did not need their prayers and to leave me alone. They in turn told me that they had to pray for me and that they would come and get me wherever I was at. Knowing these two friends, they meant every word; so went to the college that afternoon.

In my arrival the three of us went and found a secluded spot and all the time I was telling them I did not need their prayers, I was done with God and I did not believe Him anymore. I never quit believing in Him, I just lost trust in Him.

My best friend and brother and I do mean brother in the Lord stopped me and grabbed my head with both of his hands and began to pray. I do not believe I heard a word he said because the moment he grabbed me the Holy Spirit doubled me over like I had been punched in the stomach and I began to wail. The voice of God came to me in a very stern way. He had rebuked my actions toward Him and told me that “Healing was not His power unto salvation but the Gospel of Jesus Christ was the power of God unto salvation!”

I wailed, I cried, I repented and I was forgiven and lavished in the mercy and grace of the Living God.

I would have not made it to that point nor would I be where I am today if it had not been for a friend who would not let go!

For those who may have never experience hating God, I say this, when you come across someone that is in that state, PRAY for them and do not let go. God has an appointed time to deal with them in His will. They need this as a part of their mourning. But they also need a life line out and that may be you.

For those who may be going through this at the time of your reading this article; the rest of the story is for you.

In December 2001, a year and a month after moms passing, the Holy Spirit led me to begin studying the Hebraic roots of the Christian faith. A long story short, I am now one of the Torah teachers at Bethavara Hebraic Assembly. We are a Hebraic synagogue; we follow and worship the God of Israel and His Messiah Yeshua (Jesus) in a more Jewish format. It has been an awesome journey in discovering my heritage.

One of the traditions that we have discovered is proper mourning over the death of a loved one. I wish I had this when I was going through the death of mom.

I post the following so that you may recover from your mourning a lot easier than I was able to. Take what I write next to heart and God will heal your heart and soul.

Mourner's Kaddish

The Mourner's Kaddish contains nor references to the dead. It is a prayer of praise and honor to God, recognizing that in His mysterious wisdom He does all things well. We commit ourselves to Him, even in times of deepest sorrow, knowing that He cares for us. (Taken from the “Siddur Tehillot Hamashiach by Tim Hegg)

(We recite this at every Sabbath service; those in mourning stand and recite this prayer with the congregation joining in on parts of it for the first year of the passing of a loved one. Then on the anniversary or yartzeit the Sabbath closest the date of the passing one stands in remembrance of their loved one and recites the prayer.)

Exalted and sanctified be His great Name in the world which He created according to His will and may He rule His kingdom in your lifetime and in your days, and in the lifetime of all the house of Israel, quickly, and in the near future, and say, Amen.

May His great Name be blessed forever and for ever.

Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, lifted up and honored, elevated and extolled be the Name of the Holy One,

He is blessed, above all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations which we say in the world. And say, Amen.

May there be much peace from heaven, and good life upon us and upon all Israel. And we say, Amen.

He Who makes peace in His heights may He make peace upon us and upon all Israel. And say, Amen.

I pray this prayer will bring healing and peace to those who are suffering from the death of a loved one.

Even though you may not be going through a death of a loved one but maybe you are struggling with God on some other issue, you can pray this prayer and it will help you through the tough times.

I loved God, I hated him, I love Him for not letting me go. I love Him for allowing me to go through what I had to and this above prayer says it all in His honor.

I close with this saying: In all things he does well.