I'm Not Perfect

I used to think that I was a good person and that I never did anything wrong. For the most part, I got along pretty much with everyone I met, I was quiet, and generally, I did what I was asked to do. Then, my third year of college changed my whole view on the way I was thinking.

Growing up, I guess you could say that I was a good kid. Yes, I was ornery, but I rarely got into trouble. I had the thought system that if I was good, did what I was told to do, nice to others, and went to church, that I would for sure go to heaven.

One night at Christian Challenge, Bill asked for a volunteer to answer a question. I thought to myself, “What do I have to lose?” So I volunteered. Bill said that I was brave for volunteering, though I didn't quite know why. He asked me what I believed about God, Jesus, and the bible. I told him and the others my answer. I said that I believed that God was the Father and the highest power, the creator of Heaven and Earth. I believe that Jesus was sent to die for our sins and that the bible is the word of God.

Bill's reply was, “Why do you believe that?” I simply said, “Because that's what I was taught.”

I couldn't even give him a definite answer other than what I was taught. In a way, I felt ashamed. Ashamed because I couldn't elaborate more on the subject of what I believed in. Yes, that's what I was taught, but did I truly believe it?

After that night, I wanted to learn more. I wanted to be able to understand what I was learning about. For the next three weeks, I met with Bill at least once a week outside of Christian Challenge. We discussed everything from problems that can be faced as a Christian to having a true relationship with God. By true relationship, I mean not just going to church, but actually talking to God, praying with you whole heart and soul, and admitting that he is your true savior.

For that three weeks that I talked to Bill, I struggled more than I had with anything else. If I read something in my bible that I didn't understand, I would write it down and I would ask Bill the next time I talked to him. He would give me the best answers that he possibly could.

The first week, Bill advised me to read 1 John 1:1-2:11. In it, it talks about how if we are in darkness, we cannot know God, but if we are in the light, we will know God. After the third or fourth time of reading this, I decided that I didn't want to be in the dark anymore. I wanted to see the light.

So, one night before Christian Challenge had started, I told Bill that I wanted to talk to him afterwards. After a few minutes, I couldn't hold it any longer. I told Bill that I wanted to be a Christian. That evening after Christian Challenge was over, Bill and I sat outside and we talked and prayed. I had never felt so calm in my life. It had felt like a great deal of weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I didn't have to worry about anything again.

I kept myself on track of always talking to God. When I went home for Christmas break though, I started to fall off the so called wagon. I didn't do it intentionally. After coming back to school for second semester, Bill asked me if I had been keeping up with reading the bible and everything else. I honestly answered and told him no and that I wanted to get back into it.

By February, I had started to get back into the swing of things. I really started to feel like God was truly blessing me.