"Behold I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me." Psalm 51:5
On March 2nd, 1989, I was born in Carmichael, California to Lawson and Stephanie Stuart, my beloved parents who by that time had already been through many faith-testing trials which they, by the grace and mercy of God, overcame. I, being the third of seven children, was among a crowd of siblings who became the beneficiaries of the blessings given to our parents from God. However, time only proved scripture to be true as the depravity of my heart stirred quietly within, multiplying its evils by the day.
“That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man.” Mark 7:20
Throughout my childhood, I was home schooled and vigilantly protected from the wickedness of the outside world; yet my parents soon came to see that the same depravity of the outside world was bound within my heart and ingrained in the core of my nature. I had desperately fallen short of the glory of God from my youth and continued in an escalating pattern of rebellion on into the years of my adolescence.
“…they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing...” Romans 2:15
Having been raised by Christians, I was taught the law of the Lord, and yet did not like to retain the one true God in my knowledge but rather preferred to worship the god that I thought was just like me. Inevitably, the law of god which has always been written on my heart accused me of my guilt and showed me how desperately I needed to be forgiven. Much to my despair, my understanding of forgiveness at the time was similar to the Roman Catholic doctrine of confession in that my only hope of forgiveness would be found in the recalling and recanting of every sin ever committed. This misunderstanding of mine was used as a license to give up and turn myself over to sin once again. All the while, I was convinced that I could be both a friend to the world and simultaneously, a friend of Almighty God; a damnable falsehood which James refutes in his epistle.
Toward the middle of my time in high school (I was attending public school by then), I had already attended many youth rallies and Christian camps and eagerly “gave my life back to Christ” on more than one occasion. This pattern of emotional repentance was beginning to wear me down by the time my junior year began, and I found myself gladly drifting away from the God of my parents. Nevertheless, God did not let me much farther than that before He intervened and changed my life forever.
Now regarding the specific time of my conversion from spiritual death into eternal life is somewhat of a blur, yet I have managed to narrow it down to the winter season of my junior year in high school. That is because it was at this time that I noticed a severe change in the biases of my affections toward sin and my hatred for God. Suddenly, it grieved me to sin against a God who had suffered so much to bring a worm like me back to Himself and call me His child. The indifference I had felt toward sin was now a vehement hatred. I also found that I suddenly had a fast-growing love for this Savior who had given so much for someone like me. Eventually this love overflowed into a love for my neighbor whereby I longed to have him know of the Savior as well. Scripture warns that one bear fruit in keeping with repentance and examine himself to be sure that He is in the faith. Failure to do this may give evidence to the absence of saving faith to begin with.
Having been made a new creature in Christ, I now long to grow in the knowledge of my Lord so that I may tell others this glorious gospel of grace. It refreshes my soul to know that no one, including myself, can snatch me out of the hand of God, if I am truly His. In light of this, by God's grace, I desire to persevere until the end: He promises I will, and be found one of the true and faithful witnesses at His coming.
