The Christmas of 1995 I was 14 years old. The belief of Santa Claus had been gone for a long time and had been replaced by the memories of Daddy drunk, Mommy high, food stamps and section 8; I woke up to the twinkling lights and silence of our 2 bedroom apartment and walked into the living room that had a small, lightly decorated tree with no gifts underneath of it for me or my 8 year old little sister. Mommy was gone and Daddy was in Jail, But Jesus was there, comforting me anyhow, I said “Happy Birthday Lord”.
My grandmother and mother had me baptized at the age of 12, but this Christmas morning I became saved. I asked the Lord to come into my life, save me, and change me. Then I had an experience with the Holy Spirit, you could say an epiphany of deep spirituality, a purpose filled light bulb if you will, the idea that I was not and am not meant for anything of my current environment, and I deserved love. From that Christmas morning on I have felt more love then I could have ever imagined. My mother has been clean for 11years and my father about 6 months and out of jail for about 4. I am married to my husband and friend for 15 years, and my 3 little girls are happy, healthy, fed, clothed, and heavily loved.
Now life has not been easy, and it will never be, but I thank my Father God everyday for His many blessings. He has ordered my steps and even when I disobey his orders everything always works out for the best in the end. I think about my life so far, and I remember my old home girls from around my old neighborhood; all 4 were pregnant and drooped out of school by the age of 16, and only one kept all her children. She had 4 girls by the age of 23; the youngest was 6 months old when her mother died of an ecstasy and alcohol related death. If it had not been for the Lord on my side where would I be? I had just as much sex, smoked just as much weed, and I was a huge hypocrite, walking around judging people for not living right and being saved, while not living right myself; or even trying to gain knowledge about what I was supposed to believe; but God kept me anyhow.
I regret not witnessing to my friends when I had the chance. They are out in the world now; I lost touch with most of my friends when I went away to college for the first time. Sometimes I run into someone who might give me some news, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I pray for them; because I know that even though my grandmothers methods were somewhat flawed she meant well, she prayed for me, and just like she and others took the time to pray for me I now pray for them.
Life is about free will, we choose what life choices we make; but prayer can help us in our walk and can sometimes make all the difference. I know now that a lot of prayer went into my life, so when I was out in the world I was still covered in the Holy Spirit just like the night He saved me, I could not feel it but He was there.
Even though I was young when the Lord came into my life the experiences I have had with Him have changed and transfigured who I could have been and will be for the better and I am forever thankful.
I have to make a few quick points; I am saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, I do not believe that Jesus is God. He is the son of God who said of His Father “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not parish but shall have everlasting life.” (John 3:16) And also “forgive them Father for they know not what they do.”(uke 23:34) He was not talking to or about himself when saying “Father”. I am a Christian because I believe the blood of Christ was shed for atonement for my sins, not because of the belief that the Son and the Father are one in the same along with the Holy Spirit.
There is only one God, call Him Father, “I am who I am” (Genesis 14), Jehovah, Allah, Creator, Alpha and Omega, or whatever. He is not divided, He sent His Son and those who believe in His Son He gives the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Science is just proof of it all because it can not explain to me the why and the whys of life; it must be something to the fact that for every stage and culture of human evolution blood sacrifices have needed to be performed one way or another for the sins of others (general killings, war, cannibalism, slavery, poverty, etc). I have chosen to have Jesus serve as mine. Yes, I know there is life after death and I cannot explain why I know; and no scientific theory can change my mind, only my own uneventful death can prove it to me.
I have spiritual energy that atheists and agnostics want me to deny and I can't. If someone does not believe in the Father or the Son's role in forgiveness that is fine with me, but please don't call me stupid or judge me because I do. That's all. Thanks for reading
