When I Say I Am a Muslim

When I say I am a Muslim, everyone knows what I am talking about. When I say I am a Daudi Bohra, I get blank looks. Daudi Bohra is a Muslim sect that believes in Allah and Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) as all other Muslims. However, we have our differences. One of these includes the way we dress. Men wear beards, gold-rimmed white hats, and “saya kurtas”, and women wear “ridas”. At the age of thirteen, I was required to take a vow to always wear my rida. Before taking this vow, “misaak”, I put on a rida for the very first time. When I looked in the mirror, all I could do was stare at myself and marvel at how different I looked. It was a surprise. A surprise I loved. Something clicked inside of me then and I knew that it was time I started taking my religion seriously.

A year later, I finally gathered the courage to start wearing my rida to school. On the first day, I was the center of attention. Everyone stared. I was scared. As I started appreciating the rida, I got immune to the stares. I knew I had done the right thing, and I liked myself much better because of it. Through this knowledge, I gained supremacy over all the people who spoke against the way I dressed. Not caring about what other people think, not caring about what other people say, not caring about anyone or anything that comes between me and my faith, once I know my priorities and my values and what is truly important and what is not, this is what power is all about. Power flows in any relationship. It is everywhere. It comes in many different forms. It is in each of us. It is up to us to find it within ourselves. For me, power is fighting my fears so I can stand by my beliefs - stand by my beliefs because of my knowledge of right and wrong.

Being scared of stares, stares that carry thoughts, thoughts that carry judgements, and still making my way to school with the gut wrenching tension of being judged unfairly - this is power.

It has been two whole years since my first day in school with the rida. I still remember the looks I got, the way people's heads turned, the whispers they tried to cover with their hands on their mouths. They had enough energy to make me want to go hide in a corner and never come back out. Yet, I continued on my way to school with the knowledge that it would not be right to not fulfill the vow I took, and this knowledge gave me power. It gave me courage when I was terrified.

Knowing that wearing my rida is the right decision and ignoring everyone who does not agree - this is power.

After the first week, I got used to the stares. I realized it did not matter what anyone thought. Now, when people say something rude to me about the way I dress, I do not even bother responding, because I know now that it is not important to be liked by anyone as long as I like myself; as long as I know I am making the right choices. This knowledge has helped me find power within myself. It has shown me that my beliefs are more important than other people's judgements about me.

Accepting who I am and enjoying it without any uneasiness - this is power.

Once I realized that what others thought did not matter, I became confident in myself for my decision. No one can hurt me with rude comments anymore because I simply do not care. I like myself and it does not matter to me if someone cannot accept me the way I am. I know now that I made the right vow by accepting the rida, accepting my religion, accepting who I am, and this knowledge gives me even more power. It makes me respect myself, be content with myself.

I have power over all who speak against my rida, because my knowledge of right and wrong and love for my belief is stronger than anyone's ideas on how one should dress. This power can only be taken away from me if I get too terrified to believe in myself, believe in the values I have grown up with and instead, decide to go along with the tide of other people's thoughts and opinions instead of my own. The rida makes me who I am. It has given me my love for my religion along with the confidence to show this love without being troubled by other people's thoughts and I hope that it will remain a part of me as long as I live.