Right so, this is the beginning, middle and end. According to me. You know because I’m right. You don’t have to believe or anything, but if I believe I’m right, that’s all that matters, you know?
Anyho.
The Beginning
So, IT began. And when I say IT, in caps you know, I mean IT as in the universe. The big thing we all live in. Not the biosphere. Right, where was I? Oh, yeah. IT began. No one knows why. I don’t know, the fish don’t know, the dogs, cats, giraffes, turtles… humans sure as hell don’t know.
There is a hell. At least I think there is, but my version might be a wee bit different from yours, if you’ve bothered reading this far.
Hell, Purgatory and Heaven, from the Gerberian point of view, is reviewed in Appendix E.
So we don’t know. We will never know. There is no reason to figure it out. Why would you want to? And if you think you know, you’re wrong. At least I think you’re wrong. Were you there? No, I don’t think you were. Do you know someone who was? No, and don’t say God. God wasn’t there; ask God yourself, God’ll say God wasn’t. And I realise everything I’m saying will most likely cause problems, but who’s going to cause problems if I don’t.
And now, since I realise I’ve forgotten something, this will only take a minute, I will backtrack… to the explanation of contents in this thing. There will be a whole lot of jargon on the beginning, middle and end. There will also be a few rules I have figured up, and some important information regarding the legal makeup of this.
Here is the legal bit: I, at least in this country I’m supposed to, have the right to write whatever the hell I want, if I believe it. I don’t necessarily believe this entirely, but I figured I should write it down anyway.
So that was fun.
Now the rules. There will be some rules about how to be a successful nobody, which some people might have problems with. There will also be some suggestions, not rules, suggestions on how to live your life to what I believe is the fullest. But why the hell would you want to live by someone else’s beliefs. But we’ll get to that later.
Now back to the beginning. Well, right after the beginning.
So God, or a form of god, appeared. Well, God didn’t just appear, God came from somewhere, but no one else was around to see God come so for our purposes, we’ll say God just appeared. And shortly after God some lower creatures, beings throughout the universe and such.
By the way, the universe is infinitely big; there is almost a zero percent chance that we are alone in it. There are other beings.
Back to God. God did not want to be God. God really didn’t want to. God didn’t want to so badly in fact, that God used God’s godliness to go back in time and try to change it when God realised that time was unchangeable, and that God always did go back in time, and God always failed to make God’s self ungodly, and God would always become God, or a form of God.
I don’t necessarily believe in God, but I’m working under the assumption that God does exist.
By the way, you will obey the overly large nose.
Well, when God was tired of being God, which God could never really stop being, but God figured a way out of it; God delegated God’s power over the elements to four supernatural beings. God gave water to one, the air to another, fire to a third, and finally the earth to the last. And then they controlled everything. Or mostly everything. God still kept some of God’s power, just in case God didn’t like the way God’s four underlings were running things. But God mostly just went into a nice retirement.
So for over three trillion years or something like that, the new Masters of the Universe ruled the universe. Until they did something very bad.
